I'm Ok
I feel better than the last time I went blogging. I guess I had some tiem to think things through, and after having some convos with some people, I feel like it's not as bad as I thought it was. Well that night, Monday, I was talking to her, I think I got emotional after the bit where she said she got a boyfriend.
Thursday, April 25, 2002
Monday, April 22, 2002
My Beast is on the way
Yes, I will be with a new computer soon. I wonder if I can fight off the urge to play games all day long. It's going to be a killa system, well I think it wil be, but pretty soon it will be old school stuff. Oh well. I hope it lasts as long or longer than my current pc the Pentium 200 MMX, which is approaching 5 years old. I hope this new pc will have less blue screens and more productivity-maybe even help me think less about what I say below....
Now the Ranting...
Well I guess palying games all day long is better than just doing nothing at home, but what's better is doing my uni work and helping around the home. Those last 2 things I haven't been really doing lately. It's like how it was before, no real motivation to do things and I just end up thinking about imagining things, and thinking about things that seem like I might probably never get an answer to. The most thought about question in my mind is 'what does it feel like to be in a relationship with someone, and how does it feel like to be loved by someone (other than family) and to love them back.' And also thinking about things for the future, like who I will be in the future, marriage and so on. And then relating it to how I am now. If I am like this now, single, do't like anyone, then how will any of these future things happen. Will I ever find love? Is there really such a thing as love? I sure hope there is, I used to think that love makes the world go round, along with money too. I still have hope that Iwill find out someday, I guess I just have to wait. Some would say I'm still very young, there's plenty of time for that later. But you know, now is the time that my body, mind and soul is starting to this type of thing and so it's really driving me crazy. If I could jsut totally block out this type of emoitions I'd be happy with that, so I can move on with other stuff. I don't like it when I have a spare moment then up thinking about these types of things and then I have an emotional outburst, in the end doing nothing productive, and feel depressed and reluctant to do anything.
I wonder if staying in a state like this for a long time can be very bad for me, I mean I could end up being very depressed, and might even reject people later on, simply because I'm no longer open to love, and then I become all grumpy and become a hermit. Eh seems a bit on the extreme but it could happen....
Relationships
It's open season on having relationships. It's like I'm the only one missing out on all the fun (but I know I'm not the only one single). Some people like being single, it's freedom. Some people don't really care, don;t really think about it (I guess they're too busy for that sort of stuff or it's not in them, or not really thought about it). Is this like a society imposed need? To be in a relationship, liek if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're not cool, or there's smething wrong with you. I sort of feel that way sometimes, maybe there's somethign wrong with me that I stil yet to be in a relationship.
Yes, I will be with a new computer soon. I wonder if I can fight off the urge to play games all day long. It's going to be a killa system, well I think it wil be, but pretty soon it will be old school stuff. Oh well. I hope it lasts as long or longer than my current pc the Pentium 200 MMX, which is approaching 5 years old. I hope this new pc will have less blue screens and more productivity-maybe even help me think less about what I say below....
Now the Ranting...
Well I guess palying games all day long is better than just doing nothing at home, but what's better is doing my uni work and helping around the home. Those last 2 things I haven't been really doing lately. It's like how it was before, no real motivation to do things and I just end up thinking about imagining things, and thinking about things that seem like I might probably never get an answer to. The most thought about question in my mind is 'what does it feel like to be in a relationship with someone, and how does it feel like to be loved by someone (other than family) and to love them back.' And also thinking about things for the future, like who I will be in the future, marriage and so on. And then relating it to how I am now. If I am like this now, single, do't like anyone, then how will any of these future things happen. Will I ever find love? Is there really such a thing as love? I sure hope there is, I used to think that love makes the world go round, along with money too. I still have hope that Iwill find out someday, I guess I just have to wait. Some would say I'm still very young, there's plenty of time for that later. But you know, now is the time that my body, mind and soul is starting to this type of thing and so it's really driving me crazy. If I could jsut totally block out this type of emoitions I'd be happy with that, so I can move on with other stuff. I don't like it when I have a spare moment then up thinking about these types of things and then I have an emotional outburst, in the end doing nothing productive, and feel depressed and reluctant to do anything.
I wonder if staying in a state like this for a long time can be very bad for me, I mean I could end up being very depressed, and might even reject people later on, simply because I'm no longer open to love, and then I become all grumpy and become a hermit. Eh seems a bit on the extreme but it could happen....
Relationships
It's open season on having relationships. It's like I'm the only one missing out on all the fun (but I know I'm not the only one single). Some people like being single, it's freedom. Some people don't really care, don;t really think about it (I guess they're too busy for that sort of stuff or it's not in them, or not really thought about it). Is this like a society imposed need? To be in a relationship, liek if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're not cool, or there's smething wrong with you. I sort of feel that way sometimes, maybe there's somethign wrong with me that I stil yet to be in a relationship.
Sunday, April 21, 2002
Thursday, April 18, 2002
Last Nite..
Ah well I had a late night last night, slept at 2 am. And why? Because I stay up chatting all night. I must admit, it's been a while since I've had a nice chat with someone. But this time it wasn't thru mIRC, but using MSN Messenger. It all started during the day when I was bored and decided to add some people that were on this email that came from Jacky onto my MSN list. Chose the ones with interesting email addresses and the female ones hehe. Then later on at night, got all these messages asking who I was and where I got their email blah blah. Turns out some ppl are from same uni and yea. But who I was chatting to all night was this girl that liked k-pop. So we spent the night talking about ourselves and about K-pop. And she was a good person to chat to, she kept the conversation going so it wasn't boring (something that I've come to feel in general with chatting to new people). Then she said she had assignments to do in her holidays and I offered to help her. So I spent the last of my net time helping her before I went to sleep. Now I'm wondering why I did that. I guess it's a few factors including I like to help people (when I feel like it), I had nothing else to do, and it might help me to get to know this person more. But am I also expecting something in return? Yes and no. Yes, I would like to borrow her cd collection so I can listen to it and she can borrow mine. And yes it would be nice if we could be friends in real life too. But if none of that happens, I'm still happy because I got to help someone and it's good to help people. But still it's bugging me as to why I helped her. Well these are the factors that buggin me. The fact that she was Japanese, and that she is a she and not a he, and that she is younger than me. It brings back about what was said during the debate between me and Melissa-the fact that I go on the net and stay on for hours and chat to girls and add them to my list of a perspective girlfriend. It sounded kinda harsh to me, but that discussion sorta woke me up a bit. Well I'm going to talk more about this later, to clear some things up. But relating what was said then to now, I guess that's why I am uneasy about what I did last night. It make me wonder if what I did was to get this person to like me or something like that. But is that such a horrible thing to do? It also reminded what I did a while back, I did a whole assignment and not just help someone and stay up till 3 am doing it! I did it because they were appealing to me to help them, and I gave in, I felt sorry for them and like I was their only help. But the factor back then too was also like in this case. I wanted to get to know them as well and meet them eventually. She promised me this and that if I helped her, but I didn’t really care about what she was going to give, I helped her because she came to me for it, I guess I should be happy that I did help her and not turn my back away….Ok ok, I’ve had a think about it. The main reason why I helped her was because she would like to chat to me and she had assignments to do and I offered to help her, to make it easier for her to finish it so she can do other things. If possible I’d like to get to know this person, make a new friend, have someone to talk to about K-pop and so on. Enuff said. I’m happy =)
Ah well I had a late night last night, slept at 2 am. And why? Because I stay up chatting all night. I must admit, it's been a while since I've had a nice chat with someone. But this time it wasn't thru mIRC, but using MSN Messenger. It all started during the day when I was bored and decided to add some people that were on this email that came from Jacky onto my MSN list. Chose the ones with interesting email addresses and the female ones hehe. Then later on at night, got all these messages asking who I was and where I got their email blah blah. Turns out some ppl are from same uni and yea. But who I was chatting to all night was this girl that liked k-pop. So we spent the night talking about ourselves and about K-pop. And she was a good person to chat to, she kept the conversation going so it wasn't boring (something that I've come to feel in general with chatting to new people). Then she said she had assignments to do in her holidays and I offered to help her. So I spent the last of my net time helping her before I went to sleep. Now I'm wondering why I did that. I guess it's a few factors including I like to help people (when I feel like it), I had nothing else to do, and it might help me to get to know this person more. But am I also expecting something in return? Yes and no. Yes, I would like to borrow her cd collection so I can listen to it and she can borrow mine. And yes it would be nice if we could be friends in real life too. But if none of that happens, I'm still happy because I got to help someone and it's good to help people. But still it's bugging me as to why I helped her. Well these are the factors that buggin me. The fact that she was Japanese, and that she is a she and not a he, and that she is younger than me. It brings back about what was said during the debate between me and Melissa-the fact that I go on the net and stay on for hours and chat to girls and add them to my list of a perspective girlfriend. It sounded kinda harsh to me, but that discussion sorta woke me up a bit. Well I'm going to talk more about this later, to clear some things up. But relating what was said then to now, I guess that's why I am uneasy about what I did last night. It make me wonder if what I did was to get this person to like me or something like that. But is that such a horrible thing to do? It also reminded what I did a while back, I did a whole assignment and not just help someone and stay up till 3 am doing it! I did it because they were appealing to me to help them, and I gave in, I felt sorry for them and like I was their only help. But the factor back then too was also like in this case. I wanted to get to know them as well and meet them eventually. She promised me this and that if I helped her, but I didn’t really care about what she was going to give, I helped her because she came to me for it, I guess I should be happy that I did help her and not turn my back away….Ok ok, I’ve had a think about it. The main reason why I helped her was because she would like to chat to me and she had assignments to do and I offered to help her, to make it easier for her to finish it so she can do other things. If possible I’d like to get to know this person, make a new friend, have someone to talk to about K-pop and so on. Enuff said. I’m happy =)
Mah Bro
I don't think I've ever mentioned my brother on this blog....Well yesterday he turned 3 months old and now he likes to talk in baby talk and stuck his thumb. Ohh cutee!! =)
Now I remember something else that happened before now that I was suppsoed to write about. It was about my doctor. His name is Dr AV Mar and had been my doctor from the day I was born. But sadly I will never see him in practice again because he has goen into retirement. He served my parents from me until my brother some 18 odd years...Thanks for all your help all these years. I hope he will live well in his retirement and get to do more travelling.
I don't think I've ever mentioned my brother on this blog....Well yesterday he turned 3 months old and now he likes to talk in baby talk and stuck his thumb. Ohh cutee!! =)
Now I remember something else that happened before now that I was suppsoed to write about. It was about my doctor. His name is Dr AV Mar and had been my doctor from the day I was born. But sadly I will never see him in practice again because he has goen into retirement. He served my parents from me until my brother some 18 odd years...Thanks for all your help all these years. I hope he will live well in his retirement and get to do more travelling.
My Thoughts
I've been thinkign a lot lately, I feel like I should put it up here but since it's late I wil post it later. Actually I have a whole heap of back log to blog about. Starting from what happened in Indonesia, to the time I got in Sydney. Hmm and then what? I think not much happened when I was at home during holidays waiting for uni to start except I was going crazy. If something did happen, it's long forgotten. And then comes uni. Meet friends again, after a while of not seeing each other. See some new uni people, but don't really know any...And then lately I've been thinking about relationships (bf/gf thing), marriage, and religion and I've sort of been analysing some of the things I do and why I do it. That's what I should hopefully soon put up on my blog and clear my head.
As for now, my head ahs been ful of computer parts reviews and everything computers, to try prepare myself to choose which parts are best for me and build my first computer. Hopefully soon I will be blogging from my new beast!
I've been thinkign a lot lately, I feel like I should put it up here but since it's late I wil post it later. Actually I have a whole heap of back log to blog about. Starting from what happened in Indonesia, to the time I got in Sydney. Hmm and then what? I think not much happened when I was at home during holidays waiting for uni to start except I was going crazy. If something did happen, it's long forgotten. And then comes uni. Meet friends again, after a while of not seeing each other. See some new uni people, but don't really know any...And then lately I've been thinking about relationships (bf/gf thing), marriage, and religion and I've sort of been analysing some of the things I do and why I do it. That's what I should hopefully soon put up on my blog and clear my head.
As for now, my head ahs been ful of computer parts reviews and everything computers, to try prepare myself to choose which parts are best for me and build my first computer. Hopefully soon I will be blogging from my new beast!
Laziness + No Time = Big Headache
Yes, thats the what you get for being lazy and leave your assignment to the last minute....I had 2 of these events recently, last Friday and last Monday. Out of the 2 the Friday oen was worser, all because of C and Unix, the language and OS that just go over my head! But on both occasions I had plenty of time to do the work and only I put myself in that situation. I don't know why, but I can't be bothered to do thigns when there's plenty of time to do it, but when the pressure's on I want to do it-but have little time so I end up not finishing it, or completely understand what the assignment wanted. It's something I hope I can fix in the near future. Myabe I can trick my mind that something is due the next day or some other gimmick but that might confuse me....
Saturday, April 06, 2002
A Milestone
Well, last Thursday marks the day that I began my adventure into the world of Linux on my computer. After the installation and a bit of a hiccup it got running. Little did I know that the after I rebotted the computer it wold not load into Windows or Linux. So on Friday I spent many long hours installing Windows again without a format coz I had valualbe data on my hdds. It said it would take 160 mins, now I say that's not normal. Anyway Windows is back and Linux is working. But Windows can't use the net. Oh well, it means I have to get more familiar with Linux in the mean time. I hope this experience is woth it....
Just a Thought
Well I was at uni one day, and saw this person that looked very different from the way I was used to seeing them. From that view they looked more attractive and you might think they were a different person to the one before in terms of their personality.... A good reminder for me that anyone can look anyway and seem to act a certain way. It's not until you actually approach them and get to know them inside that you 'really' know someone. I guess the say "Don't judge a book by it's cover" is very true...
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