My Beast is on the way

Yes, I will be with a new computer soon. I wonder if I can fight off the urge to play games all day long. It's going to be a killa system, well I think it wil be, but pretty soon it will be old school stuff. Oh well. I hope it lasts as long or longer than my current pc the Pentium 200 MMX, which is approaching 5 years old. I hope this new pc will have less blue screens and more productivity-maybe even help me think less about what I say below....

Now the Ranting...

Well I guess palying games all day long is better than just doing nothing at home, but what's better is doing my uni work and helping around the home. Those last 2 things I haven't been really doing lately. It's like how it was before, no real motivation to do things and I just end up thinking about imagining things, and thinking about things that seem like I might probably never get an answer to. The most thought about question in my mind is 'what does it feel like to be in a relationship with someone, and how does it feel like to be loved by someone (other than family) and to love them back.' And also thinking about things for the future, like who I will be in the future, marriage and so on. And then relating it to how I am now. If I am like this now, single, do't like anyone, then how will any of these future things happen. Will I ever find love? Is there really such a thing as love? I sure hope there is, I used to think that love makes the world go round, along with money too. I still have hope that Iwill find out someday, I guess I just have to wait. Some would say I'm still very young, there's plenty of time for that later. But you know, now is the time that my body, mind and soul is starting to this type of thing and so it's really driving me crazy. If I could jsut totally block out this type of emoitions I'd be happy with that, so I can move on with other stuff. I don't like it when I have a spare moment then up thinking about these types of things and then I have an emotional outburst, in the end doing nothing productive, and feel depressed and reluctant to do anything.

I wonder if staying in a state like this for a long time can be very bad for me, I mean I could end up being very depressed, and might even reject people later on, simply because I'm no longer open to love, and then I become all grumpy and become a hermit. Eh seems a bit on the extreme but it could happen....

Relationships

It's open season on having relationships. It's like I'm the only one missing out on all the fun (but I know I'm not the only one single). Some people like being single, it's freedom. Some people don't really care, don;t really think about it (I guess they're too busy for that sort of stuff or it's not in them, or not really thought about it). Is this like a society imposed need? To be in a relationship, liek if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're not cool, or there's smething wrong with you. I sort of feel that way sometimes, maybe there's somethign wrong with me that I stil yet to be in a relationship.