The Talk

(Posted for 9/6/08 21:30)

I've planned this talk since the time I was OS and believe it to be one of those pivotal moments of this year. It's been a long time waiting and I was eager to let it out as well as to hear the truth.

At first I was hesitant to let it out. It was hard to mention Her name like that, so understandably I led him to talk about what marriage life was like. It helped me to calm down and settle in. After his spiel on marriage I was convinced that it was a good thing and I admit I was envious about what he had. He sold married life very well. For him, I knew it would be good for him because I already knew he was a mature person who had been through many things that helped him to be a man and he also has the Islamic knowledge to back him up. Marriage was good for him in many ways.

Now as for me, honestly I think I've been babied too much to be able to call myself a man. I've had it easy all these years and now that I've reached a quarter of a century of life I'm starting to panic about how immature I still am and the fact that I don't have the Islamic knowledge to back me up. After he talked about how it was good to have a child at a young age (and when they grew up you would have a smaller age gap) I complete agreed and thought that would be a great idea. Then when I applied it to myself, I realised that it might not be on the cards just yet coz I still need to grow up..

Anyway as the night went on, and after a trip to the john, I finally confessed. He said Her name straight away, and sort of thought it was kinda odd (didn't think to ask at that time). It was good to get it out, to finally tell someone. And I knew he was the right person to tell because I trusted him and he knew a lot about Her.

Yang pahit dan manis semuanya di ceritain ma gue. Di saat itu lah gue benar2 mulai ada pengertian ttg Dia, dan tambah lagi perasaan sama Dia. Ternyata apa yg gue pikir selamani gak juah dari yg sebenarnya.

By the end of the night I relised that I had this would not be easy if I really wanted to be with Her. I have to fight for Her, and this is not just a contest with another guy but so much more. There are many things to consider and I really need to sit down and think about my future with Her.

The normal me would just give up on Her, and say it was too hard, but in this case I want to pursue Her. There's been far too many coincidences to not take it further. I don;t know if it has been the temptations from shaytan or if they are legitimate signs, but I'm too far in to walk away like this. I owe Her a lot for the things that happened in my life recently and so far She's been the one that has consistently shown up as someone I can see myself with. I need to fight this time!