This morning I had a series of dreams and one was good and the other was bad. Lets start with the good.
Somewhere in the world I was at a facility with BoA and I had to difuse something to stop a bomb from blowing up. I was all excited that I could finally met BoA in real life but the place I was going to was hazardous and could potentially kill me. So there we are in this facility, after she went in I folllowed with camera in hand to capture every moment I had with her. Instead of me she did everything and by the time I got to the location she declared it safe.
Everyone thought I was a hero, evn though it wasn't me who did the work. I was just chuffed that I could spend the day with BoA still fresh and vibrant as always. That dream just didn't make any sense at all...
My next dream was one that hit a little closer to home because it reflects my current situation in life and the people involved are real. This was the dream that has essentially ruined my day.
I was with a friend that I guess I've been envious of for a while now because of his relationship with someone that I am fond with. So as we're walking he gets a phone call and I overhear the conversation and it happened to be her. She said something like "guess what I have something for you (or to show you)". Immediately I got jealous and felt sad. I asked myself why doesn't she talk to me like that? Why isn't she close to me like that? Why am I the one that's always left out?
Waking up that's exactly what I had to ask myself. I so want to tell her this but what would it achieve? She's not oncontrol of my mind. She can't do anything (that wouldn't go against her wishes) in order to help me. I just have to learn to accept it, I have to learn to take what has been given to me. I wish for this to go away but this struggle is my test. I need to pass this test. I need to conquer these emotions. I can't let it consume me. I can't run away. I must face it and have hope and faith that there is a brighter day.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hiding a murder and seeing an outcome
I've been talking about dreams lately and well they haven't been making any sense but I'll jot today's series just in case they add up to something.
I'm at this place, some gathering and for some reason I feel terrible as I've shot my friend, his sister, and someone else who pissed me off. I'm panicking and hid the bodies closeby. People are everywhere so I could not dispose of the bodies immediately. I saw her fiance to be and wanted to confess to him what I did but I could not. I went back to where the bodies were and the sheets were full of blood. "Oh no! What have I done? I really hope this is just a dream!"
I woke up momentarily before falling asleep again. This time I was at some conference place. It looked like my former workplace was at court and the judge gave his verdict. A decision had been made as to the future of the company. While I didn't hear the verdict I assumed the worst and when I asked a passerby er, he confirmed that indeed the company will proceed into liquidation.
Dream number 1 was total nonsense to me but dream number 2 could have some substance to it. I eagerly await for 28th August 2008.
I'm at this place, some gathering and for some reason I feel terrible as I've shot my friend, his sister, and someone else who pissed me off. I'm panicking and hid the bodies closeby. People are everywhere so I could not dispose of the bodies immediately. I saw her fiance to be and wanted to confess to him what I did but I could not. I went back to where the bodies were and the sheets were full of blood. "Oh no! What have I done? I really hope this is just a dream!"
I woke up momentarily before falling asleep again. This time I was at some conference place. It looked like my former workplace was at court and the judge gave his verdict. A decision had been made as to the future of the company. While I didn't hear the verdict I assumed the worst and when I asked a passerby er, he confirmed that indeed the company will proceed into liquidation.
Dream number 1 was total nonsense to me but dream number 2 could have some substance to it. I eagerly await for 28th August 2008.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Death and Ressurrection
For tyhe past few days I've been trying to continue to ask for the right course of action. For 2 days straight there was nothing (silence) but yesterday I had a dream that seemed irrelevent so I dismissed it. This morning though, just before 6 am I was inside a dream about the death of some close people.
In the beginning I was with my friend who looked a bit different and although I forgot what we were doing apparently his unit's (no longer living at the yellow house) keys were wrong and he needed to get a new set of keys to get into his home. At first he complained that it didn't work but after a bit of fiddling around the key worked as expected.
The next scene I remember is that someone announced Bagaek passing away. It was Friday and we were debating whether to bury him before or after the Friday jum'at. At the same time, my Father's death was also announced. I was a bit hysterical and went over to him to see if he really was gone. To my surprise his still body started to move. He started to cough and woke up from what appeared to be a coma. He then asked for the time (thinking he was late for jum'at). He stood up and started to walk. My Mum saw him and was so happy that he was alive. He went up some stairs and joined my uncles in some gathering (baralek) to (eat) and there was where I left him.
I don't know how this relates to what I've asked an answer to. Is death a sign that if I was to go ahead that it would be bad for me? Does the death and resurrection signify that it would be a struggle but in the end there would be a celebration? None of the dreams have been clear but my interpretations suggest that overall they've been negative. I wish it wasn't that way because at the moment I feel so empty not hanging onto anything. I've lost hope of anything happening yet I don't want to move on either.
I'm like a boat stuck in the middle of the ocean with my petrol to run the motor. Just swaying side to side as the waves hit the sides. Just waiting for the day to come.
In the beginning I was with my friend who looked a bit different and although I forgot what we were doing apparently his unit's (no longer living at the yellow house) keys were wrong and he needed to get a new set of keys to get into his home. At first he complained that it didn't work but after a bit of fiddling around the key worked as expected.
The next scene I remember is that someone announced Bagaek passing away. It was Friday and we were debating whether to bury him before or after the Friday jum'at. At the same time, my Father's death was also announced. I was a bit hysterical and went over to him to see if he really was gone. To my surprise his still body started to move. He started to cough and woke up from what appeared to be a coma. He then asked for the time (thinking he was late for jum'at). He stood up and started to walk. My Mum saw him and was so happy that he was alive. He went up some stairs and joined my uncles in some gathering (baralek) to (eat) and there was where I left him.
I don't know how this relates to what I've asked an answer to. Is death a sign that if I was to go ahead that it would be bad for me? Does the death and resurrection signify that it would be a struggle but in the end there would be a celebration? None of the dreams have been clear but my interpretations suggest that overall they've been negative. I wish it wasn't that way because at the moment I feel so empty not hanging onto anything. I've lost hope of anything happening yet I don't want to move on either.
I'm like a boat stuck in the middle of the ocean with my petrol to run the motor. Just swaying side to side as the waves hit the sides. Just waiting for the day to come.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Show me what is best for me in this life and the next
Istikharah prayer is a very powerful gift for us to use when we seek guidance from Allah. Having this huge decision to make, I previoudly did not want to use it because I was afraid of the outcome. As time goes by I relented and sort forgiveness in Allah and realised that I should've consulted Him first before anything else.
For the past week or so I've asked on and off about this huge decision. At first there were no responses. I read that you get dreams with some colours or have positive or negative connotations but because it was not happening I questioned my technique.
Last Tuesday seemed to be some sort of response that happened in real life. My aunty and uncle were discussing marriage and joked how someone younger than myself had already found someone so when would it be my turn. Of course I said I don't know but not long after that my uncle mentions her, the one in question. He thinks that we're suitable. This of course was right in front of my mum. I had to walk away.
Yesterday was the next sign so to speak. I had a dream where I asked her if she had done her work yet and she replied saying not all of it. I wake up and asked a similar question to whcih she replied don't ask me about it (same answer). Hey is there some kind of telepathic link gonig on here??
And this morning, as I was woken up by by phone for fajr prayer I was getting out of a dream and the first words that came into my mind were "love and affection". Rushing to remember what just happened in the dream I vaguely remember asking her why she and him broke up. Her answer was that "he was too loving and affectionate". What is that supposed to mean? I thought all girls like to be loved and show affection for them. How can you get too much that it turns you off? My first thoughts were she likes to play it rough? As in it's too easy for her. She doesn't have to do anything and she's already being loved so much that it gets boring.
In any case, I still need to ask for more guidance. None of these are clear signs to me but on face value the majority appear to be negative unfortunately. That's why I need more guidance just to be sure I am making the right decision of my life. InsyaAllah I will know soon. Allah knows best.
For the past week or so I've asked on and off about this huge decision. At first there were no responses. I read that you get dreams with some colours or have positive or negative connotations but because it was not happening I questioned my technique.
Last Tuesday seemed to be some sort of response that happened in real life. My aunty and uncle were discussing marriage and joked how someone younger than myself had already found someone so when would it be my turn. Of course I said I don't know but not long after that my uncle mentions her, the one in question. He thinks that we're suitable. This of course was right in front of my mum. I had to walk away.
Yesterday was the next sign so to speak. I had a dream where I asked her if she had done her work yet and she replied saying not all of it. I wake up and asked a similar question to whcih she replied don't ask me about it (same answer). Hey is there some kind of telepathic link gonig on here??
And this morning, as I was woken up by by phone for fajr prayer I was getting out of a dream and the first words that came into my mind were "love and affection". Rushing to remember what just happened in the dream I vaguely remember asking her why she and him broke up. Her answer was that "he was too loving and affectionate". What is that supposed to mean? I thought all girls like to be loved and show affection for them. How can you get too much that it turns you off? My first thoughts were she likes to play it rough? As in it's too easy for her. She doesn't have to do anything and she's already being loved so much that it gets boring.
In any case, I still need to ask for more guidance. None of these are clear signs to me but on face value the majority appear to be negative unfortunately. That's why I need more guidance just to be sure I am making the right decision of my life. InsyaAllah I will know soon. Allah knows best.
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