Death and Ressurrection

For tyhe past few days I've been trying to continue to ask for the right course of action. For 2 days straight there was nothing (silence) but yesterday I had a dream that seemed irrelevent so I dismissed it. This morning though, just before 6 am I was inside a dream about the death of some close people.

In the beginning I was with my friend who looked a bit different and although I forgot what we were doing apparently his unit's (no longer living at the yellow house) keys were wrong and he needed to get a new set of keys to get into his home. At first he complained that it didn't work but after a bit of fiddling around the key worked as expected.

The next scene I remember is that someone announced Bagaek passing away. It was Friday and we were debating whether to bury him before or after the Friday jum'at. At the same time, my Father's death was also announced. I was a bit hysterical and went over to him to see if he really was gone. To my surprise his still body started to move. He started to cough and woke up from what appeared to be a coma. He then asked for the time (thinking he was late for jum'at). He stood up and started to walk. My Mum saw him and was so happy that he was alive. He went up some stairs and joined my uncles in some gathering (baralek) to (eat) and there was where I left him.

I don't know how this relates to what I've asked an answer to. Is death a sign that if I was to go ahead that it would be bad for me? Does the death and resurrection signify that it would be a struggle but in the end there would be a celebration? None of the dreams have been clear but my interpretations suggest that overall they've been negative. I wish it wasn't that way because at the moment I feel so empty not hanging onto anything. I've lost hope of anything happening yet I don't want to move on either.

I'm like a boat stuck in the middle of the ocean with my petrol to run the motor. Just swaying side to side as the waves hit the sides. Just waiting for the day to come.