Is this as close as I can get?

I've been keenly observing my own thoughts over the last month or so and have noticed a marked drop in thinking about her during Ramadan. At the same time, she hasn't been able to come online for the majority of that time and I missed her presence a lot to the point that I helped her online again. Since that time I haven't been waking up and sleeping with her as my last thoughts (not as much as before anyway), but when she came back online what happened was that I had dreams with her again. Maybe it's because she's the last person I reach before I go to sleep and as my mind approaches the resting point it brings in thoughts of her. A lot of times I've had dreams about things that I think about a lot, like work or if I'm anxious about something it usually haunts me in my dreams as well.

This morning I had another dream with her in it. It wasn't about her but it was about us. My hazy mind was not able to keep most of the detail but it sparked me to create this post because it brang up another topic. I've said this before but the dreams I have with her are like the only times I feel close to her. It's the only time I can actually do something with her, can talk to her as a dear friend, and really enjoy her presence. That's why I'm always a bit sad coming out of those dreams because I don't get this in real life. It's somethnig that I yearn for but it could be something that is beyond my reach. In real life I try to maintain a barrier because we are nothing and I don't want to step over the bounds. And given the fact that she's not feeling the same way as I do, for me to try to pursue her could end up hurting me even more.

So I cherish any dream I have with her, as short or as long as it is. And I take the wisdom that I gain from those dreams because they do contain important messages for myself. InsyaAllah this is one way that I can accept the consequences of my actions, a way to help me to understand.

By the way the dream went a little something like this; we were together somewhere and we were talking about us. I think I was lamenting a bit about why there is no we, but then it proceeded onto who else could I be with. And then she offered some names and I responded negatively pointing out why it couldn't work out between those people.

In another dream we were in the same room praying and after I had finished I left her to go on my way but as I was going a man was about to walk into that room so I followed him so that they wouldn't be alone together...