Cintakan bunuh kta

While trying to sleep off my grumbling stomach I had a dream about someone whom I believe likes me. It wasn't a happy one and when I woke up from it (semi-conscious) it felt as if I was crying. Maybe I was crying in the dream, maybe in real life too but I didn't feel any tears coming out.

In the dream I said that I couldn't do it. I could not be with her. As nice as she was, as good as we got on together, I could just not overcome that aspect of her that has been hindering me from being anything more than a friend. This is the state of my feelings towards her and to me it somewhat feels a bit like a taste of my own medicine (although not in exactly the same circumstances).

The difference is that with the previous case, she doesn't feel anything for me and never ever thought of me as more than a friend, and I guess she's somewhat not that comfortable with me and I too am shy of her sometimes even till now. With this new person we get along quite well and you could say we have more in common or have more ticks in terms of compatibility. Yet with all that in mind, I just don't feel right about it.

And that's why I cried, because as good as you are, as matching as it seems that we are, I just can't commit to you. I am so sad that this has to happen to you, someone who does not deserve this at all, but I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to you. This is what I feel.