I believe so and so actions are resulting in a change of thought in my brain waves for the worse. I should not have gone there, yet I pursued and then I had a dream about Her.
She walked in a fire for some reason but didn't seem to care. Afterwards I got worried and she asked to check her feet for burns. I hesitated because I did not want to touch her, but she said it was all right. In my mind I wanted to do it, and treat it more, but it did not proceed. The dream didn't go that far. I've never had that particular thought before and can only attribute it to my recent action, although I have seen them before and well a thought of some form of contact had occurred in my mind.
Astagfirullah I should not be having such thoughts. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I should probably step up in my fasting and lower my gaze even more. I have to control myself because this is just crazy...I don't want to be this low, and it is so wrong. Maybe it's a good thing that I can't have Her for who knows what might've happened if She gave the green light.
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