Change of thought

Up till a few minutes ago I felt that the only way to get over her was to run in the other direction and completely avoid her, or to find a big enough fault that would take her off that pedestal that my mind has placed her on.

After work I popped by to drop off some stuff, and ended up staying for a bit longer. I didn't talk much but more or less was just there to enjoy her presence (if enjoy is the right word). Actually I would've liked to have a chat to her at that time, but as there was someone else present I didn't think it was appropriate.

After coming home I had a think about what had transpired. On the surface it looks like nothing special, but then I realised that not everyone can do what I just did. You know how sometimes you're with someone who doesn't really want you to be there (like there is a sense of awkwardness) you feel unwelcome. Even though I was pretty silent, I didn't feel unwelcome. Maybe this is a sign of things to come. Maybe this is my heart and mind finally on the same terms.

I realised that I didn't have to be with her to be around her. We can still have a connection without being romantically linked. And I realised that because I let it out, and the fact that she didn't push me away means that she values that connection as much as I do. I realised that, I didn't need to hide myself anymore, I don't need to put on any fascade to impress her. I can be myself around her, not worry abotu saying the wrong thing or sounding dumb. I think I could even be frank with her. Maybe..

PS: Maybe that frame has made her more dorky in my eyes. I'd say there has been some impact on the 'x-factor' that I once saw, that intriguing look that always kept me wanting more. And the reason is because it hides her beautiful eyes, the very ones that keep me mesmerised. Unfortunate for her, but good for me I guess. InsyaAllah this means that I can look beyond what I had wanted before. She will always be someone special in my heart, but now I'm beginning to feel like it's worked out for the best the way it is.

It's amazing how a rather insignificant event could change your perspective.