Wanting you to listen

These last few days have been rather hard. Actually for most of the week really. It started off with that night I was trying to strike a conversation which revealeda bit about my past and asked for some assistance, but instead was met with disappointment. That night I realised that maybe she didn't have the answers for me, and that pretty much showed how uncaring she was. Then again she had her own issues to settle so maybe I'm just too sensitive. I asked for a way out, a flaw that would make it easier to move on and until that moment I was accepting of every flaw that I could see. That night, when I got no support, made me realise that perhaps this is the flaw that I cannot live with.

I need someone to talk to, and I want it to be her, but as time goes on it seems more unlikely to happen. If I was thinking properly, I couldn't ask her to be my listener since the problem involves her. It would put her in an uncomfortable situation no doubt. Maybe things are already uncomfortable, though she may just be hiding them. I'm so scared to ask her if I'm irritating her again (as I know I did at one point). I'm afraid to lose being in touch with her, but yet I still want more from her. More than what she's willing to give. Why can't I just accept what she's giving me? Why can't I just move on? There are so many reasons to show how we don't match, but my stubborn heart refuses to agree with my mind. Why can't I just let go?

Why can't I just treat her like any other friend? Why is she so special in my heart, even when I'm nothing to her? I feel so foolish but I'm still here. I'm hopeless, and just blind. I can't do this anymore, but I don't have anything to go onto. That's why I'm still here. Stupid, just stupid.